How to help a friend coping with a breakup?

All one needs is someone to lean on!
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In very early days of my college years, I had a friend who was coping with a breakup. I couldn’t help but wonder at times that what is so attention seeking and captivating in her man that she just cannot get herself together? After a few years, by destiny’s play, I had to step into her shoes because I was contemplating severe acts against my depressive chain of thoughts.

Then I had a thought, I cannot do this to myself. I just cannot retreat myself into a cool, dark place of a cocoon, I couldn’t get much dumber. I was in a deep, dark pit of shallow and mundane thoughts where my happiness laid in the hands of a person who had abandoned me. I had completely forgotten my self-worth and my grounds shook beneath my feet. But, then again there is always light at the end of the tunnel! I met a friend who consoled me in and out, empathized with my suffering and handed over a rope to me to get out of that pit.

If you too, know someone whose behaviour is unlike the normal days, their social media presence is off-putting and any other signs that you feel might be a cause of worry. Then, you should definitely lend an ear to that friend dealing with traumatizing thoughts post a breakup.

1)    Empathy is the key
Empathy is the key
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Gautama Buddha said it right, “Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life, you will have been all of these.” When you know that your friend is not able to get over the depressing thoughts of his lover’s departure it is best to climb into her/his skin and think out loud from their viewpoint. Only then, you’ll be able to come to the best conclusion.

2)    Don’t be judgmental too early
Don't be judgmental
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Hear me loud, there is a huge difference between listening and understanding. It happens every day, people fall apart, some of them get back together and some of them don’t! In those times the best you can do to your friend is not try to be hard on them. Most of the people behave bizarre and odd when they face challenging times, this simply does not imply that you have to reciprocate the feeling. Don’t! Give them time!

3)    Introduce them to a hobby
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This is perhaps the best thing you can help them with. Whenever a person focuses on her/his hobby he is bound to give more than 50% of his attention to the said task. You can ask them what brings out the best in them so that they can switch off their negativities and re-boot! They like to paint, bring them acrylic colours, they lie to dance, make them join an academy. Make them push their energies into something prodcutive and useful!

4)    TALK
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It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice. Why do I say that? There is no greater loan than a sympathetic ear! Talk to them when they feel alone at night or when they ignore everyone else around them. Take a walk. It helps!

5)    Ask them to travel
Ask them to travel
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Last but not the least, travelling unties all the knots that we bind, be it the knots of pessimism or residues of over-thinking. After you lose someone special, you gain a lot of lessons and some of the best lessons we learn are from travelling!

Tell us in the comments below if you’ve any more tips we would love to hear!  

Hailing from New Delhi, Saumya wears her heart on her sleeve for her city. An ailurophile and an author of two novels; she is a voracious reader and divides her time between studying authors and cooks, often simultaneously! Alongside the day job, she’s currently trying to work on a travel blog (The Road Taken and Written) representing India. She can be found on various corners of the internet, but most frequently on Facebook and Twitter as “isaumyakaushik”. If you’re ever interested in discussing Harry Potter, Saumya re-reads the series at least once a year, so drop her a line.

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